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A few CT scans later, and she had a fairly accurate model of dolphin sex and the hypothesis that females have the ability to actually redirect a dong internally so as to effectively choose paternity after the fact. Regret sleeping with a guy mid-coitus, you adorable porpoise? Just send his wang down a dead end street. Continue Reading Below Advertisement So who cares, right? Well, that depends on your opinions and basic humanity. Dolphins and other cetacean life are very much at risk pretty much all the time.
Numerous whale species are endangered, and pollution, changing ocean temperatures, and Aquaman are all factors that need to be considered in how we can conserve these species in the wild. And of course, understanding the way they breed is paramount in helping keep any species alive. So is the research important?
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Not if you're some soulless monster who doesn't care about ocean life. You're not one of those, are you? If I were asked, I would assume they were like regular fleas who just play Top Gun volleyball with their flea bros on the beach. That'd be normal, right?
That's the best of headline that patrons papers. I also disorganize knuckles in literally every step they take -- even the clock ones like the latest monkeys, which look feel that have ballsacks for seniors.
But hey, there's no time for discussing the finer points of Val Kilmer's career now. We're up to our feet in fleas. The little shits wait for you to roll up with your beach gear, and then they hop on your foot and just dig right in like a grave robber looking for Grandma's brooch. They'll suck your blood over several weeks as they bloat to a few times their normal size, all in preparation for the eggs that they're laying right in the buffet that is your foot. Slightly erotic, but gross. The problem with sand fleas, aside from the obvious, is that they spread disease.
They can cause something called tungiasis, which can lead to painful, deformed feet. And since the only way to get rid of the fleas is to dig them out, you risk some kind of secondary infection, like tetanus or foot holes which isn't a disease as much as it's just holes in your damn foot. You don't want that shit. Lucky for sand flea victims, a PhD med student happened to be studying the fleas in Madagascar when she got infected herself. Rather than treat it or just cry a lot and drink herself to sleep like I would, she decided to foster the little monsters. Up to that point, the life cycle of the flea was pretty unclear. Were they pregnant before they latched on, or did they get pregnant by using a person's foot as a brothel and boning deep inside?
Just so deep inside that foot of yours. Continue Reading Below Advertisement This particular flea in this particular foot managed to outlast a typical infection and never laid any eggs, leading the researcher to believe it had never been fertilized. This means that they normally do have that dirty foot sex, and this one missed the boat because it was being so closely monitored. Knowing when and how sand fleas get their hump on means knowing more about the disease you're trying to prevent in places where infection rates reach as high as 50 percent, meaning literally half of everyone who may go near sand in some of these countries is getting infected.
All because sand fleas like doin' it on us more than anything. I also support monkeys in literally every form they take -- even the weird ones like the proboscis monkeys, which look like that have ballsacks for noses. So when I heard researchers introduced the concept of money and commerce to capuchin monkeys, and then monkey prostitution started up, I'm not telling tales out of school when I say I was tickled pink.
Mokey Ballsack pink Continue Reading Below Advertisement In a joint study conducted by an economist and a psychologist, hilariously small monkeys were given metal coins with holes drilled Monjey them, something no monkey should place any value on in a normal world. But they then taught those monkeys that if they kept the coins, they could trade them for things like Jell-O and grapes and fidget spinners or whatever the fuck monkeys want to buy these days. Once they understood the concept, websitf monkeys were perfect little capitalists, buying shit they didn't need and stealing coins when they saw the chance, doing what people do when they find out commerce is sitting right on their little monkey faces.
And who can blame them. Continue Reading Below Advertisement The most illuminating aspect of the whole experiment was when one monkey, in a moment of tiny, furry brilliance, realized he didn't need any more damn grapes, but could handle a cherry, if you follow me. If you don't, I mean that he wanted to fuck. So he approached a lady monkey, they discussed terms in whatever way monkeys are capable of doing such a thing, and a deal was made. When the deed was done, he quickly made up an excuse about having to get back to work and she went and bought grapes. Continue Reading Below Advertisement Does monkey prostitution benefit mankind in any way?
Shame on you for asking. But this study did shed some light on the nature of loss aversion, showing that it extends beyond human psychology and is innate to our understanding of the value of things like Jell-O and a refreshing afternoon hump. All that from grapes and sweet, sweet monkey ass. And by that, I mean sweet to other monkeys, of course.